The Things I Take to Relax

Two for the pain

Two to stabilize

One for the risk

One for the burn

One and a half on a bad day

For the nights I lie awake

Counting speckled starlight on the ceiling.

The cars that drive by,

The sirens that follow.

One more for the risk.

Blankets are tangled in my toes

I am a mermaid trapped in seaweed,

Thrashing around, desperate

To be freed.

After a while, I grow tired.

I am mangled and demoralized.

I let myself drift away and watch myself from the sky.

I look green.

One more for the burn.

Two to stabilize when I wake.

The sedation drips over me like candlewax onto the floor.

I let it take over,

Wash away the blood and rust,

And rise again.